The following rules reveal all too clearly just why text messaging conveniently ignores these important structural guides:

1. To join two independent clauses, use a comma followed by a conjunction, a semicolon alone, or a semicolon followed by a sentence modifier (yeah, right… it’s doubtful that anyone text messaging is going to be concerned with independent clauses, comma placement, conjunctions, semicolons or sentence modifiers).

2. Use commas to bracket nonrestrictive phrases, which are not essential to the sentence’s meaning (this could easily get misinterpreted in a text message)!

3. Do not use commas to bracket phrases that are essential to a sentence’s meaning (of course, you will have to actually have a sentence for this to work, and the sentence will have to have meaning… doubtful this rule can ever be applied to text messaging).

4. When beginning a sentence with an introductory phrase or an introductory (dependent) clause, include a comma.

5. To indicate possession, end a singular noun with an apostrophe followed by an “s”. Otherwise, the noun’s form seems plural.

6. Use proper punctuation to integrate a quotation into a sentence. If the introductory material is an independent clause, add the quotation after a colon. If the introductory material ends in “thinks,” “saying,” or some other verb indicating expression, use a comma.

7. Make the subject and verb agree with each other, not with a word that comes between them (verbs and nouns are not important when text messaging.  It’s all about the less is more theory.  Symbols are preferred)!

8. Be sure that a pronoun, a participial phrase, or an appositive refers clearly to the proper subject.

9. Use parallel construction to make a strong point and create a smooth flow (Smooth flow? Hahaha… this is nothing short of comedic)!

10. Use the active voice unless you specifically need to use the passive (GUD2NO…LOL).

11. Omit unnecessary words (since there are no actual words used in text messaging, this rule can be omitted completely).

For the heck of it…let’s take a look at text messaging and the symbols… (You won’t find this in your local library)!

Text abbreviations aren’t just for cell phones

Text message abbreviation don’t just have to be used in a text message either, they can easily be implemented into emails between friends or even through the use of chat functions on social networking sites or the use of MSN or Yahoo messengers, texting slang is growing ever more popular across the world through these online methods of communication. Text abbreviations are used more widely now than they ever have been and their popularity continues to grow as is the case with text message symbols!

Of course I do not suggest that you go ahead and use any text abbreviations or text symbols in formal correspondence though, for instance if you work for a company where you have to send out letters and emails to customers they will not appreciate a ‘lol’ or ‘:)’ when you are writing to them! This is mainly because most text message abbreviations are seen as slang and thus there is a time and a place for them and this is not through any means of formal correspondence.

This list of text abbreviations that are on this page can also be a very useful tool for parents that are trying to decipher the content of a child’s email or text message in order to make sure that they are safe and not up to no good (lol, that is the understatement). What may have just looked like a jumble of letters and random texting symbols can all of a sudden become a lot clearer with the use of this website as these text abbreviations and text symbols are often a code for something they want hidden!

So let’s first go through a brief guide as to what the differences between a texting symbols, texting acronyms and texting abbreviations actually are.

Texting Acronyms

An acronym is a word that is formed by the initial letters of a series of other words, for instance arguably the most common texting acronym that you are going to come across is ‘lol’ which is ‘Laugh Out Loud’ and another texting acronym is ‘ROFL’ which is ‘Rolls On Floor Laughing’. These are both used as a response to saying or receiving something of some amusement. Whereby this page is based solely on text abbreviations and text symbols we do have an additional page with a comprehensive list of texting acronyms.

Texting abbreviations

An abbreviation as we all know is how a longer word or phrase is shortened. For instance a texting abbreviation could be shortening the word ‘later’ to ‘l8r’ or ‘mate’ to ‘m8′. There are simply loads of text abbreviations being used everyday and they can make your own text messages not only shorter but also cheaper because a shorter message does not overlap into a second that will charge you twice when you send it. Please see below for a list of texting abbreviations. These are a very common form of texting slang and are used by everyone from teenagers to the elderly, the beauty of text abbreviations are there is not set list you have to stick to as it is easy enough to create your own!

Texting symbols

There are a whole range of texting symbols and these include the commonly used smiley face ‘:)’ or a sad face ‘:(‘ which are used to express a mood or reaction to another text message. Please see below for a list of texting symbols.

List of texting abbreviations

Here is a full text message abbreviation list for you!

As you can see there really is a huge range of texting abbreviations in this list of ridiculous text message abbreviations and also texting symbols that can be quickly and easily be inserted into any text message or online social communication (oh the joy). Let’s not forget the texting acronyms which are perhaps used more commonly than the text abbreviations and text symbols highlighted on this page. Remember texting slang is mindless, lazy and easy to use.  It’s not advised to take it to work or school with you as it is not seen the same way either professionally of academically!  In other words… You might appear DUMB!

If the above does not help you in your quest to learn how to text message, surely this book will do the trick…of course, it is for DUMMIES…so…

Mindless, brainless… Text messaging…

So, what do you do when you are running out of time, but have immediate deadlines to meet?  Perhaps making a 1,2, 3 list would be a good idea.  You know the deal. It might look something like this:

1. Wake-up
2. Coffee
3. Take a walk (fresh air always stimulates my mind)
4. Make a protein shake (protein is good for the brain)
5. Shower (I cannot work dirty and/or sweaty)
6. Organize your desk
7. Organize your notes
8. Start writing (the process could vary)
9. Lunch (don’t skip meals, it’s unhealthy)
10. Back to the grind
11. Break (take another mini-walk or mini-nap… it can be very rejuvenating)
12. More coffee
13. Write
14. Write
15. Write
16. Keep writing

You get the picture… However, sometimes even with the best intentions and organizational skills, it doesn’t play out that way. So far, my day has gone something like this:

1. Woke up at 4:30 (tossing and turning)
2. Fell back to sleep around 6 am
3. Rose at 8 (an hour later than usual)
4. Got a phone call, then dealt with a rodent of unusual size
5. Decided to shower
6. Forgot to make coffee
7. Drank a protein shake
8. Made some green tea
9. Noticed it was 11:20 am, and began to panic.
10. 11:40 another phone call
11. 12:14 someone befriended me on Facebook
12. 12:30 ate lunch
13. etc., etc.

By the time 3:00 rolled around (it’s now 4:14), I had still not done much of anything.

So, even with the best intentions, and plans for the most productive and organized day, we are subject to interruptions of all kinds and sometimes–just sometimes…it’s inconvenient to have deadlines! 

I found lots of great ideas to get unstuck and wrote the best ones on index cards to create an Oblique Strategies-like deck. Swipe, share, and add you own in comments.

• Talk to a monkey – Explain what you’re really trying to say to a stuffed animal or cardboard cutout.
• Do something important that’s very easy – Is there a small part of your project you could finish quickly that would move things forward?
• Try freewriting – Sit down and write anything for an arbitrary period of time—say, 10 minutes to start. Don’t stop, no matter what. Cover the monitor with a manila folder if you have to. Keep writing, even if you know what you’re typing is gibberish, full of misspellings, and grammatically psychopathic. Get your hand moving and your brain will think it’s writing. Which it is. See?
• Take a walk – Get out of your writing brain for 10 minutes. Think about bunnies. Breathe.
• Take a shower; change clothes – Give yourself a truly clean start.
• Write from a persona – Lend your voice to a writing personality who isn’t you. Doesn’t have to be a pirate or anything—just try seeing your topic from someone else’s perspective, style, and interest.
• Get away from the computer; Write someplace new – If you’ve been staring at the screen and nothing is happening, walk away. Shut down the computer. Take one pen and one notebook, and go somewhere new.
• Quit beating yourself up – You can’t create when you feel ass-whipped. Stop visualizing catastrophes, and focus on positive outcomes.
• Stretch – Maybe try vacuuming your office.
• Open a window – a little fresh air is a natural stimulant.
• Add one ritual behavior – Get a glass of water exactly every 20 minutes. Do pushups. Eat a Tootsie Roll every paragraph. Add physical structure.
• Clean off  your desk.  You know the saying…”Clutter on your desk is clutter in your mind.”
• Rearrange your pens. I often arrange them by color and size.
• Listen to new music – Try something instrumental and rhythmic that you’ve never heard before. Put it on repeat, then stop fiddling with iTunes until your draft is done.
• Write crap – Accept that your first draft will suck, and just go with it. Finish something.
• Unplug the router – Metafilter and Boing Boing aren’t helping you right now. Turn off the Interweb and close every application you don’t need. Consider creating a new user account on your computer with none of your familiar apps or configurations.
• Write the middle – Stop whining over a perfect lead, and write the next part or the part after that. Write your favorite part. Write the cover letter or email you’ll send when it’s done.
• Do one chore – Sweep the floor or take out the recycling. Try something lightly physical to remind you that you know how to do things.
• Make a pointless rule – You can’t end sentences with words that begin with a vowel. Or you can’t have more than one word over eight letters in any paragraph. Limits create focus and change your perspective.
• Work on the title – Quickly make up five distinctly different titles. Meditate on them. What bugs you about the one you like least?
• Write five words – Literally. Put five completley random words on a piece of paper. Write five more words. Try a sentence. Could be about anything. A block ends when you start making words on a page. It’s like music to your ears, really…

On the other hand, remember Laurence Olivier.

One day on the set of Marathon Man, Dustin Hoffman showed up looking like shit. Totally exhausted and practically delirious, Olivier asked what the problem was, Hoffman said that at this point in the movie, his character will have been awake for 24 hours, so he wanted to make sure that he had been too. Laurence Olivier shook his head and said, “Oh, Dusty, why don’t you just try acting?”

So, when all else fails, just try writing.

WANTED: WRITER (Anywhere)

Date: 2011-04-22, 11:29AM PDT
Reply to: gigs-zbmxd-2340731751@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

We’re looking for writers to write about scammers who steal the services of professional writers. CL has shown many complaints regarding this problem. We want someone to write a piece on how NOT to get ripped off. Use the following common-sense outline:

1) Get ALL specific financial details UP FRONT. If the post doesn’t specify an amount, IGNORE the post. If the post implies that you should work for free or for “deferred payment,” or for anything other than money, FLAG the post.

2) Do thorough background checks. If they don’t have a website (but you think they should), IGNORE the post.

3) IF YOUR CLIENT REFUSES TO PAY: Compose a polite email calmly pointing out that the employer is legally obligated to make payment as promised. Mention that you’ve saved all their phone and email messages, and don’t forget to use the word “LEGALLY.”

4) In the event that these selfish creeps still fail to pay you, write another polite email explaining that you have spoken to an attorney and that if payment isn’t sent immediately, you will have no choice but to file a lawsuit. Smaller amounts are handled in Small Claims Court.

These steps usually work. I should know. I’m a writer too. I don’t get ripped off anymore. Hope this helps.

Location: Anywhere
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: Your deadbeat employers will pay you what they owe you.
PostingID: 2340731751

I would also like to add that there is a union for Freelance Writers to help protect those of us who have been taken advantage of.

JOIN THE MOVEMENT!    http://www.freelancersunion.org/index.html

It doesn’t happen too often, but a number of months ago someone contacted me on my website and asked me to write a press release for them.  So, naturally I did.  They were very happy with the outcome, complimented my work, yada, yada, ya, and I emailed them a typical billing invoice.  Because it was only a press release, I didn’t charge them a deposit, which I normally do for larger writing/editing jobs, but told them that payment would be due when the final draft was completed. This should have been obvious.

However…

One month passed, two months passed, and now we are at the 9 month mark… sort of like a pregnancy… I am “still” waiting for payment.  Small claims court would work “if” the client was local, but he’s about 2,000 miles north.  Naturally, I re-sent the invoice several times with an accompanying letter that became more direct with each revision.  It’s been to no avail.  One would think this person dropped off the planet.

But SUDDENLY…

I received an email yesterday on my Linked-in account.  It’s always exciting to see the little orange box lit up with a new connection invitation.  I have actually met some amazing people on Linked-in, and gotten a number of clients through Linked-in.  Linked-in is great.  Linked-in is not a problem.

However…

It did come as a complete surprise to find an invitation for connection from the client who stiffed me.

It’s a good thing I have a sense of humor, because I did send him another reminder that he never did pay for services rendered, and it might be a good idea to reconcile his bill with me before buddying up on Linked-in!

Just a thought…

Since you were hired because of your experience as a feature writer, you can hardly wait to strut your stuff, so you pitch an idea to the publisher for a feature, and he says, “Great idea… run with it!”  Wow!  You have barely come aboard, and already you’re in full swing!  This is going to be good!  You are fully convinced that you’ll be getting the “two thumbs up” sign soon.  He says, “So, can you have that to me in about a week?”  No problem… you have been used to much tighter deadlines.

You are doing all you can do to contain your excitement, and don’t want to brag to other reporters… but…

You are on the project like a bat out of hell, and really go all out with this article.  Heck, you even show off your photographic skills and  grab photos to turn in with your article (normally, this impresses an editor).

You are on a roll, and finish the article two days ahead of schedule.  Being the responsible and conscientious reporter that you are, you send off an email to the publisher, letting him know that you’ll be emailing the article with photos the next morning.  You are so happy… that night you go to bed with a wonderful sense of accomplishment.

The next morning, you email the article with the photos as planned.  You are, after-all, a man/woman of your word, but by the time nighttime falls, you begin to wonder why he hasn’t acknowledge receiving your article.  Day two comes and goes, and then day three does the same.  By day four, you are beginning to wonder why he hasn’t even acknowledged receiving it.  You have a dozen explanations in your head.  ”It was so perfect that it doesn’t have to be edited.”  ”The guy is probably so busy that he hasn’t gotten to it yet.”  ”Perhaps he has been away from his desk (oh right… a publisher avoiding emails, and staying unreachable to his reporters?) That is almost laughable!

By the middle of day five you decide to look at your sent box, to make certain that it actually went out.  Of course it did.  You sit at your desk sulking, and staring at the sent mail box when suddenly something happens… You decide to look at an old email from the publisher about submissions.  So far, everything is fine, however, you notice in an older email sent by him that you have mistakingly reversed two letters in his name.  In seconds, you can feel heat rising to your head, and your breathing is restricted, but you immediately calm your self with the thought, “There’s no way I did this with the out mail I sent to him.”   You take a close look at the email address that you sent the article to, and it’s WRONG!  You are mortified!  Suddenly, you realize that you sent your article somewhere else.  This fully explains why he has not responded!  He NEVER RECEIVED IT!  You no longer are two days early, but three days LATE!!!!  Basically, you look like a serious flake.

There simply are no words to express how stupid you feel in that moment, especially because you will undoubtedly have to tell him what happened. There’s not going to be any way around it.

Just imagine your embarrassment.

I pitched an idea for a Christmas story to a local newspaper, and the publisher/editor gave me the go-ahead. While investigating (this is something any good freelance journalist does) Christmas traditions in the city where I live, I was put in contact with (one contact almost always leads to another… funny how that works) the towns very own Santa Claus, who has been on duty for over 20 years. Let me reassure you… apart from this Santa’s “real” beard and belly, there was nothing traditional about this guy. He’s very clearly a different kind of Santa!

When I called him on the phone, he was loud, jovial and very willing for me to interview him, but he had one stipulation. I had to show up on the morning of his big debut, which was held at this lovely historical museum and ranch, for an 8-am hike around the lake with him and his rein-goats. I agreed, and showed up with my camera and hand recorder ready to take on the morning with Santa. It was a lovely morning. The goats seemed happy, Santa led the flock and I had to follow behind. However, you really don’t want to stand or walk too closely behind a herd of goats. They poop FREQUENTLY, and it was very challenging trying to dodge their green pellets while trying to conduct an interview.

Everything was going along smoothly until my hand recorder stopped working. Suddenly I found myself trying to take notes while hiking, which was ridiculously difficult, especially with a herd of goats directly in front of me. I kept tripping on their hoofs, and then finally Santa said, “Uh, are you okay back there? What’s happening?” I said, “Well, my recorder battery died, and I am trying to keep up with you, while dodging goat poop and take notes on everything your sharing at once.” He answered back, “Uh huh… and how’s that coming?” I said, “Well, it’s not. Can we do this after we finish the walk?” He said, “Tell you what…”Why don’t you come with me while I suit up and get made up for my big appearance, and you can interview me while I get ready?”

Sounded like a good idea to me… so, game plan #2 came into being. He had exactly an hour and a half to shower, color his greying beard, eyebrows and hair white, put stage make up on his face, rosy up his cheeks and get dressed. What I wasn’t prepared for was Santa to come out of the shower in his boxers. That’s right. Santa came out of the bathroom at his friends house in his underware, and said, “There’s no way I am putting that hot Santa’s suit on before I have to, and so hope you’re not offended by seeing a fat man in his undies darlin’, but you’re gonna have to deal with it, cause I ain’t putting clothes on while I get made up!”

So there I was, in the middle of Santa’s inner sanctum watching him paint his beard and hair snow white, put his face make-up on and suit up. By the time he got his heavy red velvet suit on, he was dripping with sweat from head to toe, and affirmed his absolute hatred of the beard and the costume. He then told me that the beard comes off on December 26th and he is counting the days, but in late February or March, he begins growing another one again.

We left his friends house, and went over to the museum, where he began a 2-day run of his Santa act.

I asked him what he did when he’s not playing Santa and he said, “Oh, you mean when I’m not making toys back in the North Pole? I drink beer, belch, back-pack with my packing goats, build cannons (only for the novelty of it), work as a high-tech plumber (not the toilet fixers), and volunteer for various organizations in the community. Occasionally I boggie board, and have considered taking up surfing. I don’t take people’s B.S., and you don’t really want to know what I think of Christmas…”

Hiking… (Before picture)

The bambino stopping for a little early morning snack

Surf’s up Santa…

The After Picture

The fact that he continued to yawn through the entire near 4 hour tutoring session was probably a sign that he was bored, not getting it, tired, or perhaps a combination of all three.  It was a most interesting session, and I suppose it was my curiosity as to how this would all turn out that kept me intrigued, because his inability to comprehend 90% of what I was saying was rather frustrating. Naturally, there is no one to blame.  This was purely circumstance, however, it was exhausting to break apart every word and have him still completely miss the meaning of a sentence.

There was a moment of absolute humor, in fact, it was all I could do to keep from laughing my head off (naturally I had to act composed).  We were approaching the middle of the third stanza, when suddenly he slammed his fist on the table, sat up erect in his seat and said, “I get it, I get it now… the Swan is a bird!”  Wow.  I had absolutely no response.  What could I say?  Yeats swan is so much more than a bird! This embellished masterpiece is a potpourri of Greek mythology, nineteenth century occultism, English literature, European politics, Christian imagery, bundled up in a brilliantly composed sonnet.  The swan of course represents the god Zeus, and his rape of Leda – a famous story in Greek mythology.

I almost felt guilty taking his money, but after 4 hours, we said good-bye, and he seemed content that he had a handle on the swans identity.  I really did feel for this kid, so I told him to email me his final draft and I would edit it free of charge.  I also specified that this would only be an edit, not a re-write of his paper.  He was very grateful, since he was quite concerned about getting a good grade.  Three days later I received a paper in my email box, with no name on it, and it was not a critical analysis of “Leda and the Swan” at all, but a critical paper written on Robert Browning’s “A Lovers’ Quarrel.” I was floored, but admittedly, I was even more astounded when I read this masterfully written paper, knowing full well that this guy either purchased someone’s paper, or hired someone to write this.  I was somewhere between irritated and rolling with laughter, so I decided to ask him what on earth happened to our 4 hour tutoring session? After he received my probing email, he wrote back saying, “Oh, I so sorry. Paper not mine (ya think?), it belong to friend, and he need help too. I send my paper tomorrow.” HELLLLLLLLLLLLO!  Since when did I tell him I would edit a second 8 page college essay for free?  After nicely explaining to him that he tried to take advantage of me, I told him his friend would need to pay me to edit the paper, and that I would still edit his at no charge (I really am a nice person).

He agreed, and the next day I received his paper and his friends money (I even gave him a discount).  Truthfully, upon seeing it, there were simply no words.  Needless to say, it’s doubtful he’ll be sporting an A.

So, the moral of the story is…

Actually, there is no moral of the story. It’s nearly 11 p.m., and I’m going to visit the sandman.

Good night.

(The poem)

Leda and the Swan

by William Butler Yeats

A sudden blow: the great wings beating still
Above the staggering girl, her thighs caressed
By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill,
He holds her helpless breast upon his breast.

How can those terrified vague fingers push
The feathered glory from her loosening thighs?
And how can body, laid in that white rush,
But feel the strange heart beating where it lies?

A shudder in the loins engenders there
The broken wall, the burning roof and tower
And Agamemnon dead.
Being so caught up,
So mastered by the brute blood of the air,
Did she put on his knowledge with his power
Before the indifferent beak could let her drop?

You wake up ready to take on the day!  You take a brisk walk around the block, come home, throw on a pot of coffee, shower, dress, grab some coffee and a light breakfast when “suddenly” the phone rings.  It’s your best friend and she/he is off work for the day and wants to go to lunch and maybe catch a movie.  After-all, matinee’s are cheaper.  You toil for a minute, and feel heat begin to rise up in your inside, while forming a slight sweat at the top of your brow.  Now, I promise you… you’re not feeling this sweaty, warm sensation because you are having a hot flash, or the temperature has suddenly elevated 10 degrees.  Au contraire… this is about the fact that you “KNOW’ you have work to do, and just entertaining the idea of doing lunch and taking in a movie causes you to break a sweat.  However… You justify the idea with thoughts like, “I never get to have a fun day.”  ”I could use a break.”  ”I haven’t hung out with this friend in forever.  It really is rude.”  ”I’ll just go to lunch and forgo the movie (yeah right).”  ”I don’t want to hurt her or his feelings.”  The list of justifications are endless, but they are rarely justifiable.  In truth, you should just say, “no,” and take charge of your time, however…

You DON’T!